While I can’t promise that dating apps are the way to go if you’re trying to find a compatible life partner, I can say that using them is an inevitable way to learn so many things about yourself and the kind of things you want or don’t want from a relationship. Take it from me — a dating app queen, of sorts. I’ve tried all the apps — Tinder, Her, Bumble, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Match.com and a bunch of lesbian apps that are still clearly in their beta stages.

1. Free Dating Apps

A fool-proof profile formula that works like magic on any dating site or app Examples of what works and what doesn’t, so you don’t accidentally turn off women Two fill-in-the-blank online dating profiles you can use today to get more attractive women responding immediately, plus 9 more great online dating profile examples you can copy! The “about me” section is your one chance to really show who you are, what you like, and the qualities that you are looking for in a potential partner. And, other than your appearance, it is the first thing that people will notice about you on you.

Even after all of that, I’m not sure if I’m any closer to finding the “one” but I’ve become pretty well-versed in self-awareness when it comes to dating.

Interacting with people in virtual time puts a microscope up to yourself in ways that connecting with others in real time could never do. There’s something about putting words and images into the atmosphere as representations of yourself that feels so final. In a way, creating a dating profile is like the ultimate defining moment for yourself. It’s no wonder many people steer clear of dating apps — the experience can leave you feeling very exposed. If you don’t get any other benefit from using dating apps, you’ll learn tons about yourself by having to open up to others. It’s kind of an adventure in self-discovery. Here are some of the things that I’ve learned along the way:

1. Within the app, tap your profile icon on the top left, select Settings, scroll down to the Web Profile heading, and choose Claim yours. In general, you should check out the FAQs on dating apps.
2. Since popular dating app, Tinder, was released in 2012, it has changed the way people date. Sure, you can still scope out a cute guy or girl at a bar. But why stress it when you could be scoping out.

1. Label-Consciousness

I first started using dating apps around the same time I came out. I remember noticing how proudly everyone flaunted the letter they claimed in their LGBTQ identity, so I jumped right on the bandwagon. I had been identifying as bisexual; however, I was only looking to date women. Little did I know, this would be super controversial. Because I was new to the girls-who-like-girls community, the biphobia I faced was shocking, to say the least. Even though I was offended, I tried to brush it off when women who were interested in me suddenly became disinterested when they learned I was bi. They would say things like, “I don’t date bi women, there’s too much competition,” “you can’t trust them,” or, the worst, “they carry diseases.” It was terrible. Little by little, while screening out the biphobic girls, I started to become even more label-conscious.

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I found that many of the women who identified as lesbian were the women who refused to date me because I was bi, so I assumed it was best to only date other bi women. This proved to be almost as difficult because there are so many variations of being bisexual. So other bisexual women often weren’t on the same page as me either. It’s definitely not a one-size-fits-all label — no labels are. Because of my growing bi-insecurity, I would get a knot in my stomach when I saw the word “lesbian” under an otherwise match-worthy woman’s profile picture. I became aware that my fear was just as bad as the biphobia I was facing.

I had to take a step back and recognize that labels are often a meaningless construct that can sometimes do just as much harm as good. While labels can be used as tools to teach others about the LGBTQ community and for political justice, within the community, they can be a bit divisive. In the LGBTQ dating app world, the label you choose for your profile is used as a kind of language to communicate different things. Labels elicit certain judgments and reactions from people and even set up a hierarchy of the “real gays” and the “not-so-real gays”. Because of this, labels on dating apps are almost as important as that coveted, perfect profile pic.

It’s awesome for us queer people to be able to find each other in the sea of straight people on mainstream dating apps. But I knew as I got more comfortable in the dating app game, I had to find ways to get around putting so much value on these labels. Today, I am confident in my view that labels don’t mean as much as people think they do.

One of the things I have found is that because I now identify as queer, people are forced to get to know me as a person as opposed to what they think my label represents.

Truly getting to know someone is hard to do in a realm that is initially, totally digital, but whichever lucky lady wants to date me will put in that extra effort. Another thing I do differently now is that I care less about a woman’s dating history than I had before. Since there’s not so much time spent obsessing over what kind of queer my potential match is, there’s more opportunity to figure out what kind of partner they will be.

2. To Thine Own Self Be True

Another thing I learned is that being open to possibilities does not mean denying being true to myself and what I want. I learned that I do, in fact, have a type and that’s OK. While swiping away (yes, all the apps have adopted the swiping feature now), I used to carefully scrutinize pics and profiles to make sure my initial perception of the person was accurate. In reality, what I was doing was finding excuses not to swipe left, aka reject the person, at first glance.

Everyone knows it’s wrong to judge a book by its cover but the thing about dating apps is that many of the things people put out there to describe themselves are just surface. A dating profile is, for all intents and purposes, the cover of what makes a person who they are and they are literally putting it out there to be judged. Yes, it’s all subjective and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but isn’t that the whole point? I am supposed to be finding what I want, not what other people might find attractive or likeable or what I think I should want as a non-judgmental, nice person. No one wants to be called shallow but the fact that we are even swiping, to begin with, is an indication that part of dating online is being a bit shallow.

I had to learn the hard way that if there’s something I’m looking for in a partner, whether it is something aesthetic like height, a profession, or even an astrological sign, it’s OK to swipe left on those who don’t possess those qualities. The times that I haven’t been true to myself, I just wasted both my time and the other person’s — and sometimes even hurt people along the way. Of course, there are things that can be negotiable and there are times you might surprise yourself by finding your new love in an unexpected form, but when it comes to online dating, that probably isn’t going to happen. What you see is often what you get (unless they are a catfish and that’s an entirely different problem).

Now, I make a conscious effort to ask for and look for what I want in a partner instead of settling for a “maybe she’s super cool in person” or an “I’ll just give it a chance and see what happens.” Being open for me means being ready for new possibilities in the realm of what I want, not accepting things I know for sure I don’t want. At the end of the day, I know what’s best for me and the purpose of using an app to date is to be able to make those choices for myself.

3. So Many Queer Fish in the Sea

From using dating apps and learning that it’s OK to be picky sometimes, I am now able to pinpoint the things that I desire in a partnership. However, many things that are deal-breakers for me are often not feasible for some women. For example, I like my freedom and solitude but I also value quality time and communication with my partner. Not many people can achieve this delicate balance, which is understandable since they appear to be opposites — I’m a Gemini, enough said. So when I find someone whose profile says they don’t need to be with their partner 24/7, it’s rare that they also place as much importance as I do on staying in communication with their partner when they are apart. Or when I match with someone who does well with communicating their emotions, a lot of the time they want to do this way sooner than I’m comfortable with.

In the past, because of this struggle, the moment I came across a woman who described herself as in touch with her emotions but chill and attentive but not clingy, I’d get excited at the thought that maybe I matched with someone that would actually “get me”. Since I have such difficulty finding other women who think like me, I get caught up with the idea that they are a commodity and that if I find this rare unicorn, I’ve hit the jackpot. But, as it turns out, that isn’t necessarily true.

There are so many things that make a partnership work. It isn’t just about checking boxes. A person’s profile may be in total sync with mine but that doesn’t mean that they’re the one. And if it turns out they’re not, it isn’t the end of the world. There’s no need to try to force something to work in the name of perceived compatibility. If you’ve ever used a dating app, you know that it’s rare to swipe the same person twice. There’s virtually so many fish in the sea — no pun intended. I’ve not only learned that what I want is out there, but also that the more exploration that I do, the closer I will be to finding that (almost) perfect match.

Using the plethora of dating apps that I have has taught me so much about how I choose to navigate the online dating arena. I’ve learned how to get to know people better by not labeling myself or being too concerned with other people’s labels. I’ve realized that being on an app is already pretty shallow so I shouldn’t judge myself for swiping left. And I may see all the things I want in a person but she may still not be my future wifey. Most importantly, I discovered that although I am a unique woman, there are other unique women in the world waiting to get that notification that we have indeed met our match in each other. Whether it works out is not always the point. It’s the journey of self-discovery that makes all the swiping worth it.

Patricia Martin is a Brooklyn-based freelance writer and the founder of The Glam Femme, a culture and lifestyle blog that has been featured in DapperQ – Hi Femme, among others. She has contributed to several publications, including Shine Text, Black Girl Nerds, and AZ Magazine. Patricia’s work focuses on uplifting the voices of QTPOC and queer femmes. Website: www.patriciamartinwrites.com

For those seeking assistance and guidance in creating a dating profile, here are some suggestions on how to describe yourself. Learn how to attract attention with interesting details, that are sure to keep those friend requests coming…

An online dating site is an interesting portal to meet new people, and join groups with like-minded individuals. It is an opportunity to dip your feet into the dating networking pool, meant for those interested in meeting singles online. Many people may have an apprehensive approach to this idea, that with weirdos stalking these dating websites. You need to know how to separate the genuine men/women that you can get to know, from those you need to keep a good distance from.

Examples to Describe Yourself on a Dating Site

With these tips for ‘describing yourself’ online, you’ll be prepared with a profile that is equally expressive and magnetic. Here’s how you can take on examples of writing a profile for online dating, and use it to your advantage. These are helpful dating profile examples, to aid you in figuring out a way to make it inviting.

Creatively Construct Your Headline

If the website you’ve signed into, has a headline option, that is; a single line that opens up at the top of the profile page, then here’s your chance to make it eye-catching. If men/women come across your profile, that is the first thing they will notice, besides your profile picture. It gets them interested and hooks them in. If it is lame or ordinary, people tend to skip the details given further in the profile.

Examples

Here are some eye-catchy examples:

• ‘I’m an open book; turn me one page at a time to unravel my story..’
• ‘I’m not desperate or lonely, just adventurous enough to date online..’
• ‘Beware: I may just be the most awesome person you’ll ever meet..’
• ‘I’m dangerously overloaded with intellect. I can make your mind swoon..’
• ‘Brawny and brainy..’

Be Honest/Genuine

An online dating profile speaks for who you are as a person, where those who come across it will take immediate notice. Men/women like it when someone is expressive, and open about his/her likes and interests. It makes things easier to figure out when someone seems upfront about details that you can also relate to.

Examples

Given below are examples for describing yourself for online dating, and basically being yourself.

• Include your real name and not a made up display name.
• Include your interests/hobbies/likes/dislikes.
• Describe yourself in a way that people see you/how you see yourself.
• Mention groups/activities you are a part of.
• Put up a picture of yourself, so people can trust what they see.

If someone has an empty profile that lacks anything interesting and comes off as secretive, it’s an obvious tip-off that he/she should be avoided. They look for ways to either have a dating profile online to check people out for fun, or to play around with them and lead them on. Be careful of who you entertain, and make sure you can read the signs if someone is being too pushy about revealing information that is still private to you. If someone is being too forceful about anything, read it as a sign that they need to be deleted from your list.

Avoid Personal Details and Include Important Information

When you trust the person enough to exchange numbers, then it is advisable to give them out. Also, when meeting for the first time, choose public locations for the first couple of weeks. Be honest about what kind of partner you’re looking for, and what preferences you’d like him/her to embody. In this way you can attract those who are of similar backgrounds, and can be assured that they will fit your criteria. Make sure you also have your age displayed, to avoid an age group that you aren’t comfortable with; do not lie about your age.

Update Your Profile Often

Many of us take our profiles for granted, with a lot of details changing over a period of months and even years. Keep information like ‘single’ or ‘dating’ updated, so that people know if you’re taken or still available and looking. Things like email addresses also should be changed if necessary. Some people have a bad habit of posting old pictures of themselves, often misguiding people on the web. Keep pictures updated, and even information of your whereabouts or any new-found details about yourself (avoid putting in work/home addresses and numbers for the sake of safety.

Free Dating Apps

These online dating examples will help you in arranging a profile that is sure to bring in positive feedback, provided that you are true to yourself and willing to be upfront. Just be careful of who you interact with and how much you reveal in the beginning.